MODERN DESI WOMEN: THEIR CHALLENGES IN PRESENT SOCIETY
Hello readers!
When I decided to write on this topic, for a second I felt it might be not be very interesting. People look for sensation and controversies, whereas my selection is quite simple in comparison. I have only touched upon a subject that has been explored many times; some have spoken in its favor while the others have critically reviewed it; according to their understanding and experiences. In both the cases, writing about women, their role in society and its evolution over time is not a new subject for the readers. Especially in this era, where everyone is talking about feminism and women empowerment, my article is nothing out of the box. However, I still went ahead and penned my thoughts as I felt like trying out a new recipe using the old tried and tested ingredients, hoping that the combination creates a new taste. Just like the others, I have made some observations on how the society looks at women in general and what do they expect from the modern day urbanized women, in particular. The idea is to give some food for thought to the readers; if I manage to do it through this article, I would be contented.
Now to start with, let’s go 4 to 5 decades back. In those days, expectations from women were to look beautiful, know the basic house chores, raise a family and be spend the entire life being a homemaker. Physical beauty has always been a major factor in determining the worth of a female. Cooking, stitching, decorating and managing the home were the basic skills that every woman has to acquire. Upbringing was all about learning to become a good wife, who could be a support system to the husband later on. She was taught not to ask too many questions but only follow instructions and live up to the footsteps of their mothers and other elder women in the family. Basic education was provided; mostly enough to read and write letters, read the newspaper and help children with homeschool. The girl’s only purpose in life was to get a great rishta (match) and get married at the right age, which was considered to be late teens or early 20s. After marriage, she had to be an ideal homemaker and produce lots of babies _ ideally she would have many pregnancies till reaching to menopause. She was responsible to raise the children well; so the boys get good education and the daughters get married well. Back in those times, the woman was not required to generate an income, her basic needs were roti (food), kapra (clothing) and makaan (shelter) and the man of the house (either the father, brother, husband or son) was the who is the bread earner for the family. The entire society was following a patriarch setup where a single income was sufficient for the entire household. The woman’s world was entirely within the four walls of the house, with no social life other than meeting the relatives, attending family weddings or funerals. There was a saying that a good woman leaves her house only twice in life; first time is at marriage and the second is upon her death. She was easy to please with clothes, gold and silver ornaments that the men shopped for them. They were content with being identified by their family name and the social stature of the male members in the house. Raising the children well and catering to the domestic needs of the family members was all they cared about. Generally the cycle of life was quite linear, in case of divorce or death of the husband, the other relatives would take charge and look after her needs; being the strong family support system and joint family values. All in all, life wasn’t perfect but definitely simple for everyone.
On the contrary, the present day woman “A Symbol of Feminism” has a totally different life. In the name of modernization, she has to pay a huge price; they live a stressful life, juggling between family, careers, social life, and preserving their own selves in order to cope up with that lifestyle. At the same time, she is under high scrutiny of the society, who expect her to be perfect on all fronts. Now let’s explore the different aspects of her life individually
First of all, maintaining a healthy home environment is a huge challenge since time management is always a problem. Handling different aspects of running the house, food, laundry, cleaning, hospitality, that list is never ending. On top of it giving time to children, focusing on their upbringing, school work, extra-curricular activities, playdates and tuitions more it strenuous. Sometimes, expensive toys and electronic devices become a replacement for mother’s availability. Maids, cooks and drivers become a top priority as their support is needed to run the show. On a lighter note, one could say that for working women domestic help comes on a higher priority than the husbands(. Managing a house is a huge responsibility and it gets more challenging while balancing it with other areas of life.
Secondly, mostly the modern day woman has professional degree / training, which enabled her to have a career, therefore she wants to maintain their solidarity. She grows up with the sense of self-worth and confidence _ wants to make her own identity and stature society rather than relying upon the family background. Career enables financial independence that gives the right for decision making and modifying certain predefined social norms. However, this privilege leads to further challenges as well; since the woman has an ability to provide monetary support therefore their spouse develop expectations. The wife has to share the financial expenses of the house, pool in for the children expenses and provide for her own needs. Nowadays, we mostly see dual income households where both the husband and the wife share the burden. Yes, that does give the woman an edge in the household and she can sometimes call the shots. However, mostly due to our social mindset, the man is generally the entitled one and no woman could compete with his status. A working woman, still has to handle the domestic chores, since she is the original homemaker and therefore she works around the clock. On the other hand, the husband only takes care of his professional responsibilities and mostly spends his time at home watching cricket or news, while the wife is knocking herself out keeping the ends meet.
Thirdly, social life is yet another challenge for the modern desi woman. Be it entertaining her own family, surraali relatives, husband’s work circle, or her own friends, she has to be there. Sometimes she attends multiple events in one evening, after a hectic working day. Moreover, whether she is going to a social club, fine dining at restaurants, attending a formal party or just chilling out at a friend’s place, she must be looking good and positive. She must show everyone that her life is well-sorted; flaunting her branded clothes, jewelry, shoes or bags, sharing her professional achievements, telling everyone how great her children are doing in school and bragging about her foreign vacations. On top of it, all her activities must be shared on social media as her followers must know about her great life. Whilst riding the high horse of modernization, woman have to face certain setbacks too. Stepping outside the comfort of the home has a price and she gets exposed to harassment at workplace and social gatherings. She attracts unwelcome attention, which may lead to wrong friendships and toxic relationships. Despite her professional and social contribution in different areas, she is still judged by the society. Whether it’s family, workplace or social gathering; there is a predefined notion about her. Her dressing, mannerism, habits like smoking, drinking etc. and interaction with other people (especially men), everything is under scrutiny. The poor thing is always walking egg shells, trying to hold on to her dignity; one wrong move and she is considered a social outcast, a borderline slut. If the woman is unmarried then everyone is curious to know why she is still single and everyone starts autosuggesting suitable proposals. If she is divorced, she is blamed for not contributing enough to the marriage. It’s even said that women empowerment is the reason for the rise in divorce rate. Life gets even more difficult for a single mother, where she poises an easy target for everyone to judge, target and attack. Even in case of normal households, the mother is the only one to blame if a child steps out of line while the father gets off scot-free.
Finally, nowadays the woman needs special time for self-care as her strenuous life style eventually takes a toll on her. It gets necessary to take care of herself, recharge her energy and rejuvenate her power to be prepared for upcoming ordeals. Self-care techniques include beauty treatments, physical fitness, yoga and meditation and anti-aging practices for which she regularly visits the gyms, salons and spas and dermatologists. In some cases, the woman needs to seek psychotherapy in order to deal with her high stress levels.
In conclusion, I would state that the problem is not the modernization of women; but the overall mindset of our society. It seems that women are being raised with progressive values, given professional education, encouraged to have careers, look after their self-respect and identify their self-worth. However, the rest of the social setup did not evolve at the same pace. It seems that while preaching women empowerment to their daughters, parents forgot to tell their sons how to be around empowered women. They still consider themselves as the privileged gender who can treat the women whatever way they want. They are intolerant and judgmental about the lifestyle of the opposite gender. They are willing to give her some independence, as long as it is according to their conditions. Woman may have a career however, the sole responsibility of the house and children is still upon her shoulders. Men will not help with house chores or parenting responsibilities as it seems beneath their male ego. Even the mother in laws (despite being women) generally don’t empathize with the situation _ the doctor bahoo (daughter in law) is not good enough unless she can make round rotis. In joint families, the mothers and sisters support the unfair behavior of their sons and brothers, aggravating the situation.
In an ideal world, men and women should stand united, working hand in hand towards achieving their personal goals and overall development of society. Unfortunately, it seems like a farfetched dream in our society, where gender discrimination and intolerance to change in mindsets is a sad reality. Old times had certain perks, but modernization is not bad either. The inability to embrace change seems to be the main concern. Societies need to evolve with time and the modification should be at every level; only then we could expect to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
